DEVICES

THE YOUTH OF TODAY, ALL ATTACHED TO THEIR BEEPS AND BOOPS!

NEVER DO YOU SEE A YOUNG PERSON DOING ANYTHING OTHER THAN HOLDING THEIR PHONE AT ARMS LENGTH IN FRONT OF THEM, THEY CAN’T SEEM TO LOOK AWAY

WHEN I WAS A KID WE HAD BOOKS TO KEEP OUR ATTENTION, AND IF WE TRIED GOING DOWN THE STREET READING WE’D GET BEATEN WITH STICKS AND HAVE OUR WALLETS STOLEN, AND WE WOULD DESERVE IT!

EVEN IN THE RARE CIRCUMSTANCE THAT I COME ACROSS SOMEONE UNDER THIRTY NOT ALREADY HOLDING A PHONE OUT IN FRONT OF THEM, AS SOON AS I TRY TO RUSH UP TO CONGRATULATE THEM ON NOT FALLING VICTIM TO THE POISON OF MODERN SOCIETY THEY PULL THEIR PHONES OUT TOO

THAT’S WHY I NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY EXORCISM KIT WITH MY HOLY WATER SPRAY BOTTLE SO I CAN START SCREAMING MY ANTI-PHONE-DEMON LATIN PHRASES AND SPRAYING THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY TO KEEP THE DEMONS AWAY FROM ME WHILE I TRY TO PROTECT THE POOR YOUNG FOOLS FROM LOSING THEIR SOULS ENTIRELY

ALWAYS WITH THE PHONES, KEEPING THEM UP LIKE A SHIELD BETWEEN THEM AND REASONABLE NORMAL PEOPLE ON THE STREET POINTING AND YELLING

WHATEVER THEY’RE LOOKING AT ON THERE MUST BE FUNNY BECAUSE THEY’RE USUALLY LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT THINGS GOING VIRAL